TREATING RESENTMENT
‘Those who came after them say, ‘Lord, forgive us our sins and the sins of our brothers who believed before us, and leave no malice in our hearts towards those who believe. Lord, You are truly compassionate and merciful.’ [Quran, 59:10]
Am I holding a grudge? Is my ego feeling bruised from an actual or perceived slight? Or is my hatred rooted in jealousy? The harbour of hate very seldom stores only one resentment. It can, and often is, home to a matrix of grievances.
When honestly inventoried, it may become apparent that the story or stories usually have many sides and that my version is not absolute.
Like vast ecosystems can create their own weather, resentments are powerful enough to drive behavioural storms.
Instead of looking inward, our internal turbulence often seeks an external cause or object to assign blame. Our conduct and how we relate to the world usually stem from this matrix of ill feelings.
The cure for resentment is to pray for the one or those despised. This approach is by no means sufficient, but it is the start. Next, with brutal honesty, we must determine whether those detested have reason to begrudge us.
When viewing the situation from the other’s perspective, we gain a clearer picture and uncover potential misunderstandings.
We are powerless over people, just like the Prophet (s) were. His duty was only to spread the message. How people responded was not within his power.
We must employ a similar approach. We can share with people how their actions make us feel. When we do so, we empower them and boundary ourselves instead of resenting them.
Still, Allah guides us to focus on our part, that is, to forgive and to make amends, and to leave the affair of others to Him: ‘Those who restrain their anger and pardon people—God loves those who do good’ [3:134] and ‘If you make amends and remain conscious of God, He is most forgiving and merciful’ [4:129]
A PRAYER QUAY
Allah revealed He would inevitably trial and test us on our return journey to Him. [2:155]
The road is arduous and indeed perilous, and the office bearer—the Muslim—must carry life-saving provisions on the voyage. And two of the most notable are patience and prayer: ‘You who believe, seek help through steadfastness and prayer, for God is with the steadfast’ [2:152].
Whatever the circumstance, the Prophet (s) always turned to prayer. His love for prayer was so deep that he donned it like a cloak.
In The Beloved Prophet (s) – An Illustrated Biography in Rhyme, I tried to capture his prayer before the Battle of Badr in the following two stanzas:
Cultivate a salah quayside to offload your troubles, to gain a compass, and to offer thanks. It is the best habit to engender and a measure of our love for Allah.
What hinders me more than it helps me? Probably self-will the most. It’s the antithesis of harmony, for it doesn’t allow me to coexist with others, especially with Allah, the source of all peace.
When I selfishly function on self-will, I leave destruction in my wake and isolate myself from the world.
Self-will is also pretentious because it assumes we’re in control and self-sufficient. But power is not a human attribute. It only comes from Allah.
So, seek protection from this affliction by developing an ummati heartset and beseeching Allah: ‘O Allah, always keep me connected to Thine Will and grant me to be one with Thine creation.’
Until next week, InshaAllah
Zaahied Sallie
Author of The Beloved Prophet – An Illustrated Biography in Rhyme
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